4 Ways to Get Relationship-Ready

I have gone through a lot of personal growth over the last couple years, not always on my own will. (lol)  But, after going through one marriage and preparing for the next, I have seen it.  I have seen the light that I thought was a dream.  I have experienced God-like connection with another human being.  Even better, I have found the feelings to be repeatable.  It has been no easy task -- there has been a lot of joy, happiness, excitement, and well, there has also been a lot of tears, turmoil, and regret.  Yet, through it all, the beacon is still there.  The light that is bliss and spirit binds me with my beloved.

There is much involved in having and maintaining this connection.  There are several facets that must be in play at once.  Some fundamental truths that I've discovered to work for me in sustaining a miraculous and loving relationship.  I will share my truths…

This is somewhat of a no-brainer, yet one step that is easily overlooked.  If you look back at your last relationship or two and don't see ways you could have been a better partner, I suspect you aren’t being completely truthful with yourself. I suggest you evaluate again.  This time, look at your past with no ego.  Look at your past from your ex partner’s eyes or point of view, find the truth in their pain.  No matter how 'great' and loving and perfect we think we are, we all fail to fulfill our partner’s core needs in some way.  Evaluate, but don't judge.  The point is not to beat your self up over past transgressions; instead, learn from them.  See your faults without excuses.  See your faults in all their raw truth.  Only by being honest with oneself can we allow ourselves to be free of past wrongs.  This leads to the next tip.

This is another one that can be obvious, but, it's one that is often not fully realized.  We are all imperfect people with imperfect pasts.  Once you have identified the pattern of behavior that hurts people, correct it and forgive yourself.  Only by forgiving and loving yourself can you open your heart up to give and receive love fully.  Don't underestimate the damage to a relationship that can be done by failing to let your partner's love flow completely in.  For this to happen, you must forgive yourself and make a firm commitment to change your past, damaging behavior.

You have evaluated and forgiven yourself, now you must change.  I have heard from more than one source that immediate change of a lifelong habit is impossible.  I must admit I do not believe this mindset to be true.  I have seen enough examples with loved ones, coaching clients, and self-evaluation to understand that quick change is possible.   How?  How does one do the impossible.  Well, first realize it is not impossible. First accept the fact that you are capable of immediate change.  But to do this, there is a price.

The price is, one must surrender one’s ego.  One must completely submit  to the fact you were wrong and that only change can make things right.  If even one iota of rationale exists -- if you have one tiny belief that your past behavior was OK—you will find immediate, lasting change difficult.  If you only allow room in your mind and heart for purity of thought and intent.  If you are willing to surrender and accept full responsibility, you can and will be successful.  You can have immediate change. You can be a better version of yourself starting now.

Even if immediate change alludes you, by still being mindful of your need to change and committed to showing love to your partner, you can and will find a the path to an elevated relationship.

No matter how well you do with the first tips, there will still be conflict.  There will still be wrongs on the journey to right.  A powerful concept in achieving this is submission.  Submit to the fact that you hurt your partner.  Repeat back to your partner how you hurt them, tell them you understand how what you did hurt them, and that it makes sense they would feel the way the do.  But WAIT!  Wait! You say, what if I don't mean it?  What if I think they are crazy for being mad or hurt, what if I think they are silly, or insane?  If that is how you feel, if that is how you truly feel... still submit.  Repeat back to your partner how you hurt them, tell them you understand how what you did hurt them, and that it makes sense they would feel the way the do.

This is hard -- it's very hard -- and for the first year or so, it may drive you crazy.  That's OK. Flip the switch and do it anyway. Do it anyway an see how walls come down, see how ego fades away, and see how love permeates your being.

I know.  I’m crazy.  I know I ask too much.  I am reminded of a line from a movie.  The first person says…’I, I don’t believe it!!’  The second person said, ‘that, is why you fail.’ 

Believe. Breathe.  Slowly.  Breathe.  Now, commit.  Commit to putting your ego aside and submitting to your beloved's truth.  Submit to the fact that their pain -- their truth -- is their reality.  Submit to the fact that you are love -- true love -- and true love, is without ego.  True love is selfless.

We all want that storybook relationship; the question to ask is: Who of us is willing to pay the price?

Michael Rivera is a dating coach and director of business development with The Date Maven. Along with founder Suzanna Mathews, he is dedicated to helping singles attract, give, and receive love. They personalize their work using a blend of mindset management tools, social strategies, digital tactics, marketing/branding methods, and self-improvement concepts. As moderator of the Dating Advice for Elevated Singes Facebook community, he strives to elevate the dating experience for his audience.